


Revelations

by Little_Miss_Numbers



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Drinking, F/F, First Kiss, Self-Discovery, Steve McGarrett/Catherine Rollins - Freeform, awkward break ups, pocket rants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4419110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Miss_Numbers/pseuds/Little_Miss_Numbers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is great. Steve is perfect. So why doesn't Cath want to be his girlfriend?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place probably early season 3, before Steve and Cath got very serious.

Cath liked having sex with Steve. Of course she did, because she certainly wasn't there for the sweet nothings he never really got around to whispering in her ear, and the nice dinners and long walks on the beach they were always going to do next time. And even she could admit that Steve was pretty attractive, and kind and really good at making a girl feel satisfied. Which, truth be told, had never been a particularly easy thing for Cath. 

So yeah, thought Cath while she waited for Steve to finish up at Iolani Palace, it probably wasn't the sex, she thought watching the team clean up. A bit fascinated by the way Kono haphazardly tossed her paperwork to the side instead of touching it, a few sheets slipping off her desk and falling into the trash can beside it.

Steve grinned at her as he walked over. "Sorry to keep you waiting, you ready to go?"

Cath glanced back to Ko--the rest of the team and saw them gathering around. "They look like they're going out," she mentioned.

"Yeah, Danny mentioned drinks," said Steve offhandedly. 

"You don't want to go?" 

Steve smiled at her, and Cath believed him when he said, "I'd rather spend the evening with you."

And Cath knew what kind of evening they were probably in for. Steve's house, or the beach, or the beach at Steve's house. Some food, probably cooked over a grill or bought from a shrimp stand, a bit of goofing around and probably a lot of sex. And Cath knew going in that Steve wasn't the most romantic guy, had told herself that she preferred it that way. That she wasn't the kind of girl that needed flowers and poetry read to her in the soft moonlight to fall in love. And even now if she thought about it, she was pretty sure that wasn't what she actually wanted here. Steve's non-existent romantic side wasn't the problem.

"We could go for drinks with your friends," she said with a forced casualness. "I could get to know your team better."

And Steve looked a bit surprised, but more delighted than anything at the suggestion. And Cath couldn't understand why her heart was beating so hard or why she was feeling so guilty. 

The five of them found a table in the back with a view of the beach, and Cath managed to get herself seated between Steve and Kono. Steve and Chin seemed to be wrapped up in some story Danny was telling about something that happened to him back in Jersey, while Cath interrogated Kono about her life. And she felt a prick of irritation that Steve had never mentioned to her before that Kono used to be a pro-surfer, because that is seriously cool.

And Kono's hair was so black and shiny and as they got more buzzed her voice got louder and she started teasing the boys more, and Cath happily soaked up the whole atmosphere of the night. Steve, Cath noticed, checked on her periodically, made sure she was having fun and Cath made a mental note that it wasn't a lack of attentiveness either. At no point when she was around him did she ever doubt that he was thinking about her.

"So what is the deal between you two anyways?" asked Kono, and Cath thought the question was probably meant for her, but she said it loud enough for the whole table to hear. "Like you two _are_ dating, right?"

And Cath noted the way Steve glanced at her first, ready to follow her lead. Cath knew most of them suspected their unwillingness to declare themselves a couple was about Steve, but Cath knew if she asked, if she told Steve straight up she wanted to make it official, go steady as the kids like to say, Steve would do that for her. She was the one who was terrified at the idea of calling Steve her boyfriend, and she had no idea why.

"We're..." Cath started not quite sure how to explain.

"Not really labeling it right now," Steve finished for her, and Cath nodded relieved. 

And Danny piped up and said to Kono, "Go ahead and try and figure it out, but I've been trying to get a straight answer out of Steve over that one since I first met him."

And Cath felt a bit guilty about that, but Steve grinned, and playfully pushed Danny. It's not like Steve ever really acted like he wanted more than they had. Really it was just the opposite, Steve seemed perfectly content. And she glanced at Kono who was giving her a considering sort of look, and Cath felt the heat rise in her cheeks a bit. She put it down to the beer and tried not to think about that too much.

For a while, Cath tried to pay more attention the boy's side of the table. And she entertained herself for a bit by watching Steve and Danny interact. There was a lot of touching and laughing, almost as much as Steve touched her. For a while Cath had entertained the idea that maybe Steve was secretly in love with him, but she knew Danny a lot better now, and while Steve seemed to have a penchant for these kind of bromances, she was pretty sure that's all they ever really were. She didn't understand why she was always disappointed when she thought about it though.

It wasn't until Cath started her fourth beer that she admitted to herself that Kono's really just as pretty as Steve is. She has a symmetrical face, she thought to herself. And large brown eyes. She also had broad shoulders and powerful looking legs she was showing off in a pair of skimpy shorts and Cath thought she wouldn't mind sparring with her sometime.

Then Chin distracted her by asking her how she ended up with Steve, and for a while Cath is distracted telling them the basics of her own story: following her mom into the navy even though she grew up in New York city and never went near the ocean. How she'd served with Steve and he'd asked her on a date within five minutes of being introduced to her. 

"But of course we were on a plane to--well that's classified," she explained with a grin on her face. "So it took about four months before he could actually make good on the offer."

After five beers, Cath realised she really had to pee and told Steve to get her another one while she used the little girl's room. And Kono said, "One sec, I'll come with," and gulped down the last of her drink too. And Cath immediately started to rethink her request to Steve because she stood up and the room started spinning. She wondered when she became such a light weight.

But a second later Kono had her arm around her waist, and she felt warm and solid as Cath happily leaned into her. "Don't worry, I got you," said Kono and they only stumbled a little bit, breaking out in a fit of giggles when they did, on their way to the bathroom. 

Back at the table, Cath could just hear Danny over the roar of the crowd asking "What is it about women going to the bathroom in pairs?"

But Danny doesn't get it, she thought as they moved into the neon lighted room. Because the moment they were alone, they both broke into wide grins and after they both peed, Kono sat up on the counter while Cath, despite the fact she was obviously drunk, touched up her makeup and they gabbed a bit about pure girl things, like Kono telling Cath that she'd look good in a darker shade of lipstick and a mutual rant about pockets.

"Did you know Steve's pyjama pants all have pockets?" asked Cath outraged. "I mean, who needs pockets in their pyjamas? It's pocket excess is what it is."

And Kono laughed, hard from her belly, and called for the end of male pocket privilege and Cath was felt something fuzzy and warm build inside her as she laughed with her.

"God, you don't know how nice it is to just talk about girl things for a while," said Cath putting her makeup case back in her purse. "I get so tired of men all the time." She served almost exclusively with men these days and her best girl friend currently lived 70 000 miles away. 

Kono raised an eyebrow, and Cath realised that maybe Kono could actually relate to that pretty well.

And then Kono grabbed Cath's face and kissed her and Cath's entire world shattered. 

Because is that what kissing is supposed to feel like? Because this was all tingly and made Cath's bones melt? And Kono just kept doing it, and Cath didn't think she'd ever been kissed like that either, desperate and sloppy and smelling like beer. And Kono also smelled like the ocean and like coconut scented shampoo and some kind of perfume that Cath couldn't identify but that she found absolutely intoxicating. 

And her head was swimming in a way that she couldn't tell what was booze and what was that kiss.

And then someone opened the door, and reminders of the real world suddenly crashed in around her and she shoved Kono away, a lot harder than she'd meant to and ran. 

Except the only place to run was back out into the bar. And Steve must have seen her run out because he was up and clutching her arms and asking what was wrong before Cath had even figured it out.

"I'm sorry Steve," she said, "I'm so so sorry." 

She knew she was drunk, and her eyes were watering and dammit she was going to screw up the mascara she'd just spent ages trying to get right, and Steve was frowning at her confused. 

"Catherine, what are you talking about?"

And then Kono stepped out of the bathroom, and Cath could see her lipstick smeared on Kono's lips, and knew her own lipstick was probably a mess. And knew that Steve wasn't stupid and he was probably putting two and two together.

So Cath kept apologizing, kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and Steve to push her away, yell at her like she deserved, but his arms stayed where they were, and when Cath finally gathered the courage to look up at him, he didn't look furious. He looked hurt, and somehow that was a thousand times worse.

"You're drunk," he told her, and then he turned around and Cath realised she was right next to their table, and he said to Danny and Chin, "I'm gonna take her home. You guys have a good night."

He didn't say anything to Kono, and Cath let herself be wrapped up in his arms and led outside.

He didn't say anything to her either.

 

When Cath woke up the next morning, she was in Steve's guest room. And for a minute she was confused until the events of last night came rushing in and her head felt like it had been jack hammered. 

When she sat up she saw that Steve had left Tylenol and a glass of water on the night stand.

She walked downstairs and Steve was already up, frying something that smelled like spam and sausages, his usual hangover cure, she thought. His jaw was tight, and Cath felt another wave of nausea she didn't think was related to the booze.

She swallowed another apology and said, "Thanks for the Tylenol," instead.

Steve nodded and didn't look up from his frying pan. "We gonna talk about what happened last night?" he asked.

Flashes of the night were still running through Cath's head, the beer, Kono's legs, Kono's jokes, Kono's kiss and Cath felt like an idiot that she hadn't realised it sooner.

"Steve, I think I like girls."

Steve froze, mid stir, and then he did look at her, eyebrows furrowed. Concerned? Angry?. "Like exclusively?"

Cath didn't trust herself to talk over the lump in her throat so she just nodded. Steve looked stunned. 

"Cath, it's been..." she could see Steve doing the math before his eyes went wide and he said "We've been having sex for nearly four years. Why didn't you ever say anything?"

And Steve--God, Steve looked so many things. 

"I didn't know," she cried, and she really wished she was having this conversation less hungover. Maybe after she's had a bit more time to process everything. Maybe just not having this conversation at all and asking the navy to ship her out to Somalia for a few years or something. "I was just trying to figure out why I didn't want to get serious, and then Kono was there with her stupid sexy legs and her stupid sexy jokes and her stupid sexy kissing--" Steve looked pained and Cath stopped talking mid-sentence. 

"Look--I--can we not talk about Kono right now?" asked Steve. 

He turned back to the frying pan, and poured the greasy food onto two plates and handed her one.

"Look, just--you sure picked a hell of a moment to have a sexual awakening," he said.

"Sorry," said Cath, because she didn't know what else to say. She felt bad for embarrassing Steve like that, for hurting him, but now that the dust was starting to settle and she was starting to process it a bit, she mostly felt bad that she didn't actually feel all that bad about it. 

"Yeah, you said that a lot last night too," said Steve. He looked tired and it suddenly occurred to Cath that they had just essentially broken up.

She finished her food and set her fork down, "I should probably go," she said. 

"Wait, Cath, I just need to know--did I ever--did you ever feel--"

Cath smiled at him and shook her head, "No, you--you were good McGarrett. I did actually have fun."

Steve sagged relieved. "Take care of yourself, Cath, alright?"

And before she could talk herself out of it, Cath rushed forward and hugged Steve tight around his chest and sobbed.

 

After that Steve gave her space. And even though she knew if he called, she'd probably still hijack the navy satellites for him, even if it was mostly out of guilt.

She buried herself in work and tried not to think too much about it until one lonely night a couple weeks later when she broke down and called her sister, Anne, even though it was 3am in New York. And Anne had sounded pretty tired, but she spent an hour coaxing whatever was wrong out of Cath anyways and they'd ended up talking until Anne had to go get ready for work.

And after that, Cath at least felt a little bit better.

It was six weeks after that, and after a short deployment in the South Pacific when Cath had decided to go surfing and heard a familiar voice behind her, "Hey, it's been a while."

She turned and saw Danny standing their with a board of his own and a friendly grin, and a little girl she'd never seen before but knew must be Gracie. 

"Danno, I want to surf," she whined.

And Danny smiled at her like she was the world and said, "You go ahead, Monkey, but stay close, alright? I'll catch up in a minute."

Cath watched her run off and wondered how little girls could ever be that small and carefree. "Is Steve around?" she asked a bit cautiously.

Danny shook his head, "Nah, this is our time," he said, still grinning after the little girl.

Cath smiled, half-relieved, "I didn't know you surfed."

"I learned for her," said Danny, glancing back occasionally to check on Gracie. "When she started taking lessons I thought it was something we could do together."

"That..." said Cath following one of Danny's quick glances over at Grace, "that's actually really adorable."

Danny gave a slight eye-roll even if he couldn't actually make his face look properly annoyed at anyone saying anything complimentary about his daughter and said, "Yeah, so people like to say."

And Cath was also relieved to find Danny as friendly as ever. "Look, I'm really sorry," she blurted out before she thought better of it.

And Danny blinked and said, "Sorry? Sorry for what?"

"You're saying things weren't messy after I--after that night?"

"Oh no," said Danny, "things were messy. Things were a real actual mess. Steve was going around with aneurism face for a month, which, let me tell you, is not an easy face to be working with everyday."

Cath wondered for a second if she'd misunderstood him, but Danny didn't look like he was mad at her.

"Why shouldn't I be sorry?" she asked.

"Because my baby sister came out about two years before I came out here and I have an idea about how difficult it is," he said kindly. "And yes, I know. Don't be mad at Steve though, I had to practically pry it out of him, and even then it was only because I guessed most of it anyways. You two weren't exactly subtle coming out of the bathroom like that."

Cath winced and felt a whole fresh wave of guilt wash over her. But she at least stopped herself from apologizing again.

"You should be out having fun, Babe," Danny continued. "Meeting people, figuring things out."

"I've mostly been working," admitted Cath. "I just got back from a deployment." She shifted a bit uncomfortably, "I don't even know where you're supposed to meet girls."

"Kono seemed pretty interested," suggested Danny.

And Cath felt her face go red and she couldn't look at Danny, "I can't--not someone who works with Steve. Not after that night."

"Steve?" asked Danny surprised, "forget about Steve, he'll get over it. And Kono's aneurism face has been worse than Steve's. Trust me, something needs to break that tension, you'll be doing us all a favour."

Just then Grace yelled from the beach for Danny to watch her and Danny grinned and said, "I gotta go, but I'll be seeing you around, huh?"

And Cath watched him run off with Grace without waiting for an answer, her head suddenly spinning considering new possibilites.

 

It was still another two weeks before she gathered up the courage to call. Her heart was pounding, and for a second she berated herself that she'd never been this nervous about calling a boy before until she realised why that might be. 

Kono picked up on the second ring and she sounded cheery.

"I was hoping you'd call."

And Cath was over the moon.


End file.
